I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't deserve a penis
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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