Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
