Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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