Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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