Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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