Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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