Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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