VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
