Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
