Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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