could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
