I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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