whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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