OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
