I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
