I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
