doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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