I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
