That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
