a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
