I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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