Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
