I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
