Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
