Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
