**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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