the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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