I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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