dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
