he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
