I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
