chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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