i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
