you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
