wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
