don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
