you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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