You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
