it was like his penis was on wheels.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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