So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
