His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
