She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
