totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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