if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
