Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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