i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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