this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
