Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
