btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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