so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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