Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
