he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
