I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just google imaged poop.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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