I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
