I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
